I had a two hour meeting on Monday where I sat with my neck turned constantly to the left for two hours. As I got up and left it felt all pinchy and come Wednesday I’m googling last minute massage parlours to try ease the pinch. My regular doesn’t work nights and a recommended one doesn’t answer so I try a newie.
When the other end picks up, a weird automated voice says, “You have been entered into a group call”. That’s funny I think, and I hang up and try again. I end up booking a 7:30 with a man named Sunny.
I walk into the shop which is behind another shop and up some stairs and there is a little Chinese man in a white coat waiting. I say hello and tell him about my pinchy neck and he replies in very broken English. I have only $60 cash on me, so we agree to a half hour sesh.
I get Chinese massages fairly regularly but this was different, more a wholistic view on health and he begins to treat my whole body rather than just my neck.
“Ohhh so much gas in here” says Sunny as he points to my head, tummy and rib cage. Gas in my head? That’s funny I think.
Sunny continues to massage and tap my “gas” and at the half hour point he says he doesn’t want to make me sad so he will do an hour session for the same price. My body is a mess and he couldn’t let me leave without helping me more.
So it continues and he says he can do his best but I won’t be completely fixed, it may take more time. “That’s okay, you’re not a magician”, I say and we both laugh.
“I am not Jesus” says Sunny, “But I channel god”.
I am all for spirituality and mediation and I give him the benefit of the doubt.
“You have God?” He asks.
“No God”, I reply.
Sunny is shocked, I’m fairly uncomfortable, he stops massaging and starts to explain in very broken English how I need god and Jesus is number one. I think to myself, a normal person would leave now. I stay.
The awkward moment passes as I agree I now love God and Jesus. Sunny keeps massaging and tapping my “gas”.
We get chatting again and my occupation comes up. He can’t fathom that I have taught myself how to play piano so I agree when he says I am a teacher. He is very happy when I say I am a singer. “Ohhh I am singer too!” Exclaims Sunny. “You opera or pop?”
“Pop”, I reply.
“No, opera better, you must sing opera”.
I dislike opera a fair bit but I nod and smile, and he says, “I will put opera now”.
Sunny walks over to the CD player and puts on some Chinese opera. The woman’s voice has the squeakiest most awful tone I’ve ever heard but I nod and smile.
An hour and fifteen clocks over and Sunny is still ranting about opera and intermittently massaging and tapping gas. I’m starting to get a bit edgy and hungry. He says ten more minutes and I will be less sad and he will sing along with the male opera singer who is Pavaroti’s student.
For the last ten minutes I lay awkwardly on my back as he massages my stomach with oil, to get the gas out, and sings along to the Chinese opera very close to my head.
The following day I wake up and my neck pinch has gone. Sunny has asked me to book an appointment for next week.. I am undecided on whether or not to go back for more.
P.S: I hope I haven’t offended anyone. I aim to express my opinion, but it is all it is. To each their own.